If you haven’t read Malcolm Gladwells, “The Tipping Point,” stop reading now and pick it up.
If you have, then I have to say, I believe I’m at that tipping point. To what? I Don’t know. The space where you break into another realm, open passages never before found, take mental strides you never imagined.
I’m also at the point where I’m feeling tired, trying to keep up with rigorous personal scheduling. I’m working hard at work, and it’s a great experience, but I’m having doubts about my future. The same doubts I’ve had since college. The doubts of whether or not to follow what I do well, or what I want to do. You see, the thing is, the things I do well, I loose interest in, and the things that I don’t excel in, I try to immerse myself in to become better. Sometimes I spread my self to thin to keep the journey alive, and I probably don’t ever invest as much time into a single thing as I should. Being at Sony has given me opportunities to meet some amazing people, artists who are hailed as some of the greatest artists still alive. To know them by name, drop by their offices, go sketching with them is a dream come true, but I guess I wonder if I’ll ever be one. Will I be a nobody? What will I be remembered as?
Its funny, I’ve been drawing a lot recently, hardly programming. Today was the first day I felt I needed a break from drawing, but it’s funny, a break meant drawing for an hour instead of 3, or 4, or 5. I think I know that I’ll never be a character designer for major films, but I also know that programming will never be a creative enough job for my life. Somewhere in the middle? Storytelling? Maybe. Who the hell knows, I don’t try to pretend any more. All I know is hard work pays off, and in the past 2 months, I’ve grown to new heights. It’s good for me to have a regimented schedule, something to work on. Something to own up to. Something to gauge my abilities. I think I’ve tired to fool myself for a long time thinking I could be happy programming. And although I do enjoy it, I know I will never be satisfied inside. I believe I may have taken the plunge into art. Call me a dreamer, but I’m just hoping those 10,000 hours pay off. I must keep growing, and practicing. I must not quit, not now.
Jae Emerling once said, “You’re not an artist, unless your sacrificing your life,” in class. I never understood it, but I believe I’m starting to now.